WordPress got a really nice upgrade! I’ve reverted to the new default theme, which in my opinion is much better than the old default one.
The past several days I’ve been “thinking” more about various things. My current situation, how I feel about my job, what I want to do in the future, my attitude, what I can do for God – randomly scattered thoughts. I guess that’s just one way of saying I have writer’s block now. Or maybe it’s part of “soul-searching” (*looks up “soul-searching” on wikipedia). Yeah, I think I used it correctly.
I’d like to think that this is a positive thing. I feel that a lot of what instigates these reflective moods has to do with a certain kind of dissatisfaction – not really in a negative sense though, as in “I hate my life and think it sucks,” but more so that I want to keep improving; I want to be a better person in God’s eyes. I want to be a good witness, a more devoted and loyal servant to Him, a useful vessel.
But I need to be careful. It doesn’t take much for this drive for self improvement, even in a spiritual sense, to become a spiritual hindrance. The desire to better oneself easily leads to a desire to become great, which subsequently leads to a feeling of competition. “I want to be more useful to God” is a very small step from “I want to be more useful than _____.”
Thus, I am soberly reminded of Matthew 20:25-28:
Mat 20:25-28 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. (26) Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. (27) And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave— (28) just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
A servant. It’s always good to remind ourselves what a servant is. A servant waits or attends to a master, constantly monitoring and being aware of the master’s needs so he can take care of them.
A servant doesn’t have the freedom to come and go as he pleases, but rather seeks to please the master. A servant is not a freelancer in the sense that he does not serve only when he is available or when it’s convenient or as a favor. Rather, a servant is one who lays aside all else when necessary for the master.
So I need to ask myself again; “Do I want to be a servant of God?” It means having daily concern for the church and her needs. It means reserving my “hard-earned” free leisure time not for myself, but for the Lord. It means doing everything – whether it be hiking or shopping or eating or working or talking – for the sake of the gospel. At some point, all of us who desire to serve the Lord whether full time or part time have to honestly ask ourselves: “Am I really okay with that?”