These days (and by days, I mean months) things have started getting busier in multiple aspects. Work has actually required me to put in more hours than usual, especially when I was visiting NJ for a week and working remotely. I’m also applying for graduate school for the 2011 fall semester, and applications are a pain to put together and submit. Church work is also picking up – not just in quantity, but also in variety. I was recently appointed to a task which I am not accustomed to doing, nor do I feel am best suited for.
This may come off as whiny and lame, but the truth is I’m starting to feel the pressure and stress. I’ve noticed that I’m becoming more rushed and edgy and impatient. I worry a lot about not being able to fulfill my duties faithfully and conscientiously. I’m not really worried about my job work, since I already dedicate 9+ hours a day for it (and have no intention of spending more at this point). It’s how I manage the remaining time that worries me. Time management and self-discipline was never my strong suit.
But maybe I need this. We only grow through difficulty, right? And especially when it comes to holy work, we need to learn to do it “not by might, nor by power, but by [God’s] Spirit.” If anything, the responsibilities in store will require me to pray a lot more. They’ll teach me to truly draw strength from God. There’s no way I can do it all on my own and not be miserably weary.
Trying to remind myself that holy work is a wonderful grace and blessing. It’s a privilege to undertake it; a noble task. When I was in college, away from church, there was very little I could do and I envied my friends who were able to contribute so much. Now I’m starting to see how hard and tiring it can be. I think I’ll be meditating on Moses, Paul, and Jesus a lot in the days to come. And of course, there are a good number of faithful servants who exhaust themselves for the flock that I can look to for encouragement as well.
Lord, please enlarge my heart. May I be a useful vessel for Your body.
Time to sleep. A full day awaits.