Memorial

Here’s to the life of a boy who never grew old, but struck inspiration in those who knew him.

EY, may we strive as you did, so that we can meet again.

Reminiscence

Ever get into one of those modes where you just start thinking about the past? Nostalgia, flashbacks, memories, all that sentimental stuff?

Well, I’m in one now. And such bad timing too – this is going to throw off my sleeping schedule.

Anyways, what I usually do when this happens is take out my old journals and flip through some of the entries. I didn’t start a journal until 10th grade but a lot of the events that happened before (since 7th grade) I remember pretty clearly, possibly because a lot of that context is unconsciously included in the entries of my first journal.

So a couple random thoughts:

– I understand again why Jesus teaches us that we should be like little children. Now I’m in no way implying that high schoolers are little children or that I was an angel in high school, but my faith was definitely a lot simpler back then, and judging from my entries, I thought about God and spirituality a lot more than I do now, even though at the time I felt spiritually weak. I may not have seen or understood as much back then, but there’s no doubt that my faith was purely genuine.

– Family. I read about the time when my dad was thinking about changing jobs and moving back to Taiwan to work. When he finally did decide to make the move, it affected me a lot. I realized how much I took my parents for granted, and how precious family time was. It’s such a shame that so many youths in this society shun it, including myself at times. This was also the time when our family adopted Kuma. Man, I miss her a lot.

– And drama. Drama to the max. After my first experience “dating” (this was in 8th grade), I refused to get in a relationship (and I still do, but secretly I hope God will provide within the next couple years…I guess not secretly anymore). This isn’t to say that my first “girlfriend” (I put in quotes only because we never referred to each other that way at the time so I feel weird referring to her that way) was stupid and mean or anything; she was actually super smart and nice. But the way it ended (sorry, no details here) really hurt me and kind of scarred me for awhile. I know that sounds cheesy because this was in 9th grade, but I really felt legitimately depressed for months and had trouble sleeping. ANYWAYS, eventually I got over it and by the time 10th grade came around, the pressure to date and flirt was really overwhelming and I struggled a lot with crushes. There are two crushes that were particularly extended and that stressed me out the most. I tried so hard not to leak my feelings for them, but eventually they learned. Drama is so tricky. It makes you want to confess your feelings no matter how much you don’t want to. And I don’t care what anyone says anymore because I’ve gone through enough crushes to learn this for myself – KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. Saves so much unnecessary drama. It frustrates me to no end when people keep doing the same thing, thinking “oo but this time it’s different..” It’s not – you’re not ready yet. Did I mention I was cynical?

So that was a particularly winded rambling of some of the things I went through in high school. To conclude, I shall leave you with an excerpt of one of my journal entries that made me laugh out loud at myself. Obviously the names are altered to maintain anonymity and to hide the names of people I crushed on. This is dated Tuesday, March 16th, 2004:

Man, depressed about Sarah again. At lunch she was talking about asking this one person to the prom. She said to Lisa that he wasn’t asian, so that automatically ruled me out. She said it was someone Lisa knew pretty well and so my guess is John Smith. I officially have no life because I’m thinking about this so carefully.

Okay, I really need to sleep now. Oh, and happy birthday “girlfriend” :)